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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 4, 2005 18:22:50 GMT -5
Just posted the first issue, what does every one thing. Be brutely honest. *braces for attacks*
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Post by Dummybeau on May 4, 2005 18:59:27 GMT -5
I liked it but it just seemed like the same origin as the regular DCU Supes. The only difference I saw was Steel as an employee of Lex Corp instead of a construction worker. It was the first issue though so I'll give it a chance.
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 4, 2005 19:18:35 GMT -5
it was the same old origin, i know, but superman's origin is a classic and i didn't want to deviate from it too much so i added elements from a few different s-man origins. i also don't want to make change just for change's sake. when there is a change, that change would be to benefit the story....like irons being an employee of luthor......and what happens with toyman in the upcoming arc
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Post by Dummybeau on May 4, 2005 19:28:52 GMT -5
awe come on don't give out spoilers
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 4, 2005 20:16:21 GMT -5
i'm not giving out spoilers....if i gave out spoilers i'd say.... just kidding....lol but i just mentioned that toyman will be forthcoming...and not what the change...or whatever is....so chill, bud.... lol
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Post by superboy650 on May 4, 2005 23:22:22 GMT -5
It was good for a start. But you asked for honesty so here it is. Actually it's only two things, and one is good.
I liked the idea of JH Irons being a LexCorp employee. He's supposed to be a keen inventor, so why wouldn't Luthor hire him? And it lends to a very interesting turn of events when he sees the error of his ways and becomes Steel.
The part where Lois interviews Superman just seemed weird. In general the dialogue was choppy, but I'll admit I'm not that great with dialogue either. The thing that bugged me was the way Superman almost divulged everything at the drop of a hat. I understand that he agreed to be interviewed, but did he have to say all of his powers? Or that he has an alternate life? These are things that can appear in a paper and become targets. He's supposed to be an aspiring reporter so he should know how to get around these things. Just get to the point whe she asks where did he get the powers and say, "I'm an alien who wants to help out as I've shown with the Space jet and the shoot-out etc." Of course the fact that he's an alien brings scrutiny and conflict (Lex's initial motivation), but it keeps his family safe. (Of course, you possibly took care of it by having Clark turn in the story first.)
Oh... and one tiny thing.... always triple and quadruple check for typos. It's tedious, but it's part of editing.
Good start. I hope that's Brainiac initiating a search for Kal-El. Are there any plans for art showing up for these?
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Post by superjosh123 on May 4, 2005 23:37:53 GMT -5
I thought it was great. Maybe a little too close to the origional man of steel but still very good. I look forword to reading a lot more, especialy the stories with Lex
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 4, 2005 23:44:36 GMT -5
addressing the interview, i agree, yes, it was a little choppy. sometimes straight forward convoes like that I might have problems with but hopefully i will get better.
regarding Clark giving Lois so many straight answers though, i feel there must be a reason for people to trust him from practically the beginning. and if he would have just said he was an alien, that might not have instilled any trust, but he was raised like a normal person...normal human. the fact that he is alien, might cause small fear, but that fear would be eased slightly if it is discovered that he was raised as a normal human.
him saying what he is capable of also could be to advantage with 2 ways. one, it shows the public at large again that he is up front with them and also it provides some level of intimidation for the "bad guys".
regarding Clark being an aspiring reporter and should be careful about being so open, well, you need to get in the mind set of clark...where her came from...Smallville, Kansas. He's a farmboy, not really niave, but in his heart, he is truly trusting of his fellow man. he believes people are good in heart.
there were typos? dang....well, i didn't check any typoes because on the news fader i put that it would be up by 5 and i didn't actually start posting it till after 5....i got off work at 4, was ready to post, then got a phone call....lol so, i was trying to hurry, not checking for mistakes......
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dkfan9
Young Justicer
Posts: 1
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Post by dkfan9 on May 7, 2005 9:31:47 GMT -5
Great story. I didn't notice any typos either, but maybe I just wasn't being very observant.
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Post by lanternlad on May 7, 2005 10:32:09 GMT -5
Simply put, I liked it. Yes, it was the same old origin... but what can you do with Superman, he's the last son of Krypton. To do anything else would be dumb. I liked Irons working for Luthor. You also had the beginning of the Clark/Lois, love/hate relationship in there. The dialogue was a bit choppy, but that could be attibuted to Superman feeling a bit uncmfortable with all the information he was divulging. The only typo I noticed was the one I brought to your attention when we were speaking. Otherwise, I don't see any.
Keep it up & I can't wait to see Toyman!
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 7, 2005 21:45:29 GMT -5
yeah...the Kale-El typo...lol it's fixed though...thanks for the input.....truly great to hear HONEST feedback....so i can know what i need to fix in any future issues...and i'm glad you guys do like it for the most part.... ;D i was kinda worried about if anyone would like it or not
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Post by thefastestmanalive on May 15, 2005 14:41:50 GMT -5
i did notice some typos i think you could have expanded and made the lois scene better, but i enjoyed seeing perry white (love that guy) it's nice to see john irons there too it would also be cool to see supes testing out his powers in thr future, to see his limits
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on May 16, 2005 0:12:17 GMT -5
the lois interview was short because supes was uncomfortable. he's a small town farmboy, who's used to hiding his differences. Here he was, for the first time, giving an interview about them. He wanted to leave right away, and didn't want to even give the interview. he felt that lois was right about why he should give the interview, to establish trust. he knew that was the reason his mom suggested showing his face, to be trusted. But just because he knew it was what had to be done, it doesn't mean he wanted to do it.
and i sure will be showing him testing his powers in the future. he grew up with these powers, but had never really tested them before. He just used them out of reflex, and he is still doing that. Something will happen where he'll feel that he needs to test his limites
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Post by Dark Knight of Steel on Jun 1, 2005 10:26:20 GMT -5
Issue 2 is now up guys. hope you guys enjoy....
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Post by lanternlad on Jun 4, 2005 11:40:22 GMT -5
Enjoy, I did! I like where you're going with Toyman... Quite a new (and creepy) take on him! Keep it up Dan!!!
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